I really can’t believe we have hit the mid season finale already, time truly flies when you are having fun. Just hoping here that Lucha comes back on the air soon (Summer only? Are you shitting me?) but I digress, it’s been an epic season so far but…
(Head for the bunkers kiddies, papa is about to rant a bit.)
Look, we all have bad days now and again- you prang your car, spill coffee over your carefully prepared presentation to the boss, picked the tranny out of the crowd that one time in a bar in Juarez, you get what I mean. This was that episode for Lucha Underground. To put it bluntly, it sucked dry Hyena ass (props to my fellow writer Justin Osborne for coming up with that one.) A nice little promo by Dario to get us all comfy (Opinion: He is one of the best on air characters along with Paul Heyman. Yes, I just went there. Your rage filled comments below) but things went tits side up in a hurry. Okay, let’s break this dumpster fire down.
First match was Texano vs Joey Ryan. Please understand that I have nothing but love and admiration for what these men and women put their bodies through and we can only marvel at their exploits but holy pink nipples Batman was this match terrible. There was no chemistry, no spark and most importantly the Lucha magic was missing. As slow as a fat kid chasing an ice cream on a treadmill and just as painful to watch. The best part of the match? Brenda most likely (Can someone please move Famous B to the side that I can see more of her, muchos gracias). Let me stick the knife in a bit further, this was WWE level bad *drops mic*. Now excuse me while I go scrub most likely the worst match in three seasons of Lucha Underground from my mind.
Johnny Mundo tried to save the night with a nice little heel promo. Nothing too memorable but did you hear the believers come alive when the Mack arrived? The man simply has IT, that magical quality you cannot teach a wrestler. The security guards were a bit overdone but Mack pulled it off. Get gold on this man right frikken now!
But is this end of our misery? Why no, now that you mention it. Next up is Cage vs Veneno (Sounds like a badly made Italian car you buy your step mother or something). Is Vince booking this thing backstage all of a sudden? Cage is a blue chipper and you put him a squash match vs generic character number 100056? Thankfully, this was over quickly and we had the lovely (say it with me now) future ex-Mrs McKay Sexy Star come out to kick Veneno around a bit. What a waste of talent.
Finally, business is picking up with a stunning promo by Prince Puma (has a fan boy moment) and how long must we wait before him and Mil rip the roof off the temple again? This is already shaping up to be match of the year in waiting. I want this match, I need this match. Gimme gimme gimme!
Main event time with Dragon Azteca, Jr vs the Monster Matanza. Stevie Wonder could see this one was about to get fun in a hurry and they didn’t disappoint. I am really loving the work Matanza is doing, his character, his move set, the works. I must say Dragon feels a bit generic at times and really needs a hook for him to stand out but I am being an ungrateful bastard here. The match was relatively short with a couple of really cool spots but fuck me did Dragon take one hell of a bump through the bleachers. It looked damn good and then we had Rey run to check up on him. I went to my happy place (Unicorns, chocolates and Michael Moore in White lingerie) as they went tits to the wall in trying to destroy each other. It ended with Matanza taking a short cut to Dario’s office (Lucha’s version of the Spanish announce table? Feel free to drop in any time you want.) This is all building up very nicely for the blow off match between Rey and the Monster.
We end the night with a Marty the Moth promo. I’m as confused as a DC executive at a movie planning meeting. It made zero sense and could have been fleshed out better.
Let’s hope this was a once off bad night for Lucha Underground. I can’t go back to Raw and nasty uncle Paul again that makes you feel uncomfortable when he is around. (No mamma no!)
Peace bitches, much love.